National Nitwit

(Washington, DC) Rising prices and declining incomes caused US consumer confidence to drop to its lowest level in six months during May, according to a survey of DC-area hookers.

"Oil prices have risen recently, helped by tensions between the west and Iran, while equities suffered a nasty plunge earlier in the month," noted longtime Southeast DC streetwalker 'Mystery.' "The threat of lower business investment and the housing market slowdown are part of the equation, too, but basically? These are some lowdown dirty fuckers who think the economy is in the sewer."

"Chastity," a hooker who frequents Chinatown, believes market instability plays a role in the downturn in consumer confidence.

"Apprehension about the short-term future has suddenly cast a cloud over consumers’ confidence," she said. "The recent turmoil in financial markets coupled with the run-up in gasoline prices may have contributed to consumers’ heightened sense of uncertainty and concern. That, plus my man Tino has been shaking down my clients for protection money and shit."

Both hookers noted a rise in economy-related behaviors in their clients.

"One of my regulars shows up with a used condom and expects me to put that rickety shit up in me," said Mystery. "And when I tell him that's gonna be an extra tip, he about had a heart attack on the front seat. I tell you - with the turmoil in subprime mortgages and with core inflation levels above the Federal Reserve’s preferred upper limit, we're pretty much fucked out here."

Labels: consumer confidence, DC, hookers, prostitution, Washington