National Nitwit

Left: The Founding Fathers would probably own Chevrolets without noise control devices

(Pittsburgh, PA) Annoyed by what he described as an "unprecedented assault on freedm of expression," local car enthusiast Faszfej Buzikurva announced that he is forming a group of like-minded car owners to fight the city of Pittsburgh's muffler laws.

"I grew up under communism, so I know a thing or two about repression," said the naturalized Hungarian immigrant. "No longer should we let some of these politicians who are taking away our simple constitutional rights away let this country fall. All the pinheads who vote for these petty laws that take away American freedoms should be put on trial for treason."

Buzikurva said that his 1967 Chevy Impala with a modified 396 Turbo Jet V8 engine was a "symbol of freedom."

"These roaring manifolds represent more than just the audible byproduct of internal combustion engines, dammit! This, my friend, is the music of freedom! Freedom of expression and the right to live free in a free country," he bellowed over the revved engine. "Ignorance is all I can say to those who believe that street machines are public nuisances. These little cry-babies whining about the noise have no idea what freedom is all about."

To Buzikurva, engines are an intrinsic American symbol of freedom

Americans, added Buzikurva, do not realize the "gradual erosion" of their civil liberties, and this caused him to form ARMED (Americans for the Removal of Mufflers and Exhaust Devices).

"If we don't stop this legislative insanity then we will be overrun by the goverment, and the land of the free will be torn from our bloody hands," he said. "If these people had lived in the past, they would have been shot down by Hitler or Stalin, standing in line obediently oblivious to state power and mowed down like stupid sheep. Today it's mufflers, but tomorrow they will come for you and your children."

Labels: ARMED, Chevrolet, Hitler, mufflers, noise pollution