.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Recovering Espresso Addict Takes Aim at Starbucks

recovering espresso addict Kevin TraylorLeft: recovering espresso addict Kevin Traylor

(Newark, NJ) Kevin Traylor knows a thing or two about addiction.

"When I was about 12, I was smoking pot, drinking, and doing a little acid," he said. "When I was about 16, though this dude showed up at a party with some espresso, and that's how I got introduced to it. My life went downhill from that day."

For the next ten years espresso was the sole focus of Traylor's life. He went through job after job, stealing from employers, friends,and even family members to feed his insatiable desire for the concentrated coffee beverage. He was even arrested and spent time in jail for the crimes he committed while seeking "spresso dough."

"When my feet first hit the floor in the morning I started looking for an espresso fix," he recalled, drumming his fingers on the table. "At first it was pretty fun, but soon I became mentally obsessed, and I finally got to the point that I couldn't do anything but drink espresso. By the time I got myself high enough on pure beans - sometimes up to a pound a day - I started seeing things."

Coffea arabica: tasty, effervescent, and deadly

Rock bottom in his espresso addicition occurred outside a closed New Rochelle bistro.

"I climbed into a dumpster looking for used espresso packets, opening them up and eating the grounds to get high," he said, showing reporters his espresso-damaged teeth. "That's when I knew that I was seriously fucked up."

Now three years into recovery from his addiction, Traylor is on a mission to bust what he calls "the world's biggest drug pusher": global coffee merchant Starbucks.

"Starbucks is selling poison, and they are selling it to kids," he said. "They are marketing addiction, pain and death to children, using that sexy mermaid cartoon character to hook these kids as young as four. These bastards have no souls."

Labels: , , ,

Isn't that just a little harsh?

I mean, they're coffee beans for God's sake, and they are LEGAL...
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?