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6/08/2007

Senate, After Much Jacking Off, Can’t Shoot Load on Immigration

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

No jizz, labor rights for these hombres

(Washington, D.C.)—After months of tumultuous bi-partisan masturbation, the Senate failed to achieve any semblance of climax yesterday on President Bush’s sweeping reform of the nation’s immigration policy.

This left many on both sides of the aisle with “a shuddering case of blue balls,” and rendered a great deal of palm-over-fist whackage nothing short of pathetic.

“I beat this bill like it owed me money,” remarked a sweaty and disheveled Sen. Harry Reid, one of the most powerful Democrats in Congress and current Senate Majority Leader. “Normally in situations like this we have no trouble busting a nut, but for some reason we just chaffed, winced, and ultimately, had to quit like an overworked gigolo whose worked himself raw butt-fucking corporate yuppies on their lunch breaks. Not even that PowerPoint slideshow of Condi Rice in crotchless chaps could get our rocks off.”

Other Senators were less grim in their assessment of this joyless meat stroking, and expressed hope for a revised bill in the coming weeks.

“Oh, there’s no doubt we’ll dribble some man gravy on these immigrants soon enough,” remarked Senator Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn). “We’re not going to let these brown lawn jockeys keep working America’s shit jobs and scraping to make ends meet without taking a full-on facial. It’s just a matter of letting our cock rest — after raping Iraq and 69-ing the public school system, our shaft is redder than a turkey wattle.”

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Comments:
The Senate has been doing nothing but jacking off and spending like druken sailors.

I wouldn't give you a nickel for the whole damned bunch. . .
 
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