.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Senate, After Much Jacking Off, Can’t Shoot Load on Immigration

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

No jizz, labor rights for these hombres

(Washington, D.C.)—After months of tumultuous bi-partisan masturbation, the Senate failed to achieve any semblance of climax yesterday on President Bush’s sweeping reform of the nation’s immigration policy.

This left many on both sides of the aisle with “a shuddering case of blue balls,” and rendered a great deal of palm-over-fist whackage nothing short of pathetic.

“I beat this bill like it owed me money,” remarked a sweaty and disheveled Sen. Harry Reid, one of the most powerful Democrats in Congress and current Senate Majority Leader. “Normally in situations like this we have no trouble busting a nut, but for some reason we just chaffed, winced, and ultimately, had to quit like an overworked gigolo whose worked himself raw butt-fucking corporate yuppies on their lunch breaks. Not even that PowerPoint slideshow of Condi Rice in crotchless chaps could get our rocks off.”

Other Senators were less grim in their assessment of this joyless meat stroking, and expressed hope for a revised bill in the coming weeks.

“Oh, there’s no doubt we’ll dribble some man gravy on these immigrants soon enough,” remarked Senator Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn). “We’re not going to let these brown lawn jockeys keep working America’s shit jobs and scraping to make ends meet without taking a full-on facial. It’s just a matter of letting our cock rest — after raping Iraq and 69-ing the public school system, our shaft is redder than a turkey wattle.”

Labels: , ,

The Senate has been doing nothing but jacking off and spending like druken sailors.

I wouldn't give you a nickel for the whole damned bunch. . .
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?