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Taco Bell Announces Plans for Fifth and Sixth Meals

(New York) Capitalizing on the success of their marketing program for the Fourth Meal - "the one between dinner and breakfast" - Taco Bell executives announced plans for the creation of Fifth and Sixth Meals.

"This isn't, you know, rocket science here," said Taco Bell President Greg Creed. "Training customers to eat extra meals just means more profit, and besides - we've never really figured out what to do with all those leftover refried beans and diced tomatoes from the other meals."

Creed said that the Fifth Meal will be known as "Restore-hurl."

"Pretty basically, this meal is to replenish the stomach after the Fourth Meal," he noted. "The Fourth Meal is usually wolfed down after a night of heavy drinking at the bar, and within minutes winds up on the parking lots of the businesses next door to Taco Bell restaurants. 'Restore-hurl' puts energy back in the system after the violent expulsion of the Fourth Meal."

The new Sixth Meal, said Creed, has received the tentative moniker of "Splatter-Batter."

"This will help late-night partiers whose mad dashes to the john at 6:00 am have caused dangerous reductions in electrolytes, carbohydrates, and intestinal lining," he said. "Splatter-Batter gives you the get-up-and-go you need to - well - get up and go again."

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