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Former Cingular Employee Has No Idea Who He Works For

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Rajiwan: Not Sure Who the Hell Makes These Phones Work

(Washington, D.C.)—Muhammad Rajiwan has been in the phone business for nearly a decade, and has enjoyed several years of lucrative employment as a salesperson for a Cingular retailer in downtown Washington, D.C.

But as Cingular has gone through a corporate sea change as “the new AT&T” and now simply has become synonymous with “AT&T,” Rajiwan is “fucking clueless” who he works for.

“This shit all started like, six months ago when I was watching some TV late one night,” Rajiwan explained while restocking a shelf of Razors and Chocolates. “And this ad comes on saying that Cingular is all of a sudden ‘the new AT&T,’ which was news to me. You’d think a big decision like that would result in employees getting new polo shirts, or at least a mass email, but no—I had to learn from a goddamn commercial that my company no longer existed.”

Rajiwan continued to outline his confusion at his employer’s bizarre shift in nomenclature.

“I thought maybe my pay stubs would help clear things up, but they only made things worse,” Rajiwan huffed. “For years it just said ‘Cingular’ in the upper-right hand corner. Then it changed to that orange stretchy guy, and then it changed again to say ‘Cingular/AT&T,’ and now it’s just that little blue swirly globe symbol. So do I work for AT&T now? Didn’t they go out of business or get sued back in 1987 or something? I got an idea: why don’t they call the company Clusterfucked, because that’s what my sales will be if these corporate jerk-offs don’t straighten things out.”

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