.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

8/11/2007

Former Cingular Employee Has No Idea Who He Works For

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Rajiwan: Not Sure Who the Hell Makes These Phones Work

(Washington, D.C.)—Muhammad Rajiwan has been in the phone business for nearly a decade, and has enjoyed several years of lucrative employment as a salesperson for a Cingular retailer in downtown Washington, D.C.

But as Cingular has gone through a corporate sea change as “the new AT&T” and now simply has become synonymous with “AT&T,” Rajiwan is “fucking clueless” who he works for.

“This shit all started like, six months ago when I was watching some TV late one night,” Rajiwan explained while restocking a shelf of Razors and Chocolates. “And this ad comes on saying that Cingular is all of a sudden ‘the new AT&T,’ which was news to me. You’d think a big decision like that would result in employees getting new polo shirts, or at least a mass email, but no—I had to learn from a goddamn commercial that my company no longer existed.”

Rajiwan continued to outline his confusion at his employer’s bizarre shift in nomenclature.

“I thought maybe my pay stubs would help clear things up, but they only made things worse,” Rajiwan huffed. “For years it just said ‘Cingular’ in the upper-right hand corner. Then it changed to that orange stretchy guy, and then it changed again to say ‘Cingular/AT&T,’ and now it’s just that little blue swirly globe symbol. So do I work for AT&T now? Didn’t they go out of business or get sued back in 1987 or something? I got an idea: why don’t they call the company Clusterfucked, because that’s what my sales will be if these corporate jerk-offs don’t straighten things out.”

Labels: , ,


Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?