National Nitwit

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Fred and Barney Watch with Disgust Before Munching Their Pterodactyl Sandwiches

(Los Angeles, CA)—Dedicated family man, social activist, and former television celebrity Fred Flintstone shook Hollywood earlier today when he denounced “the foul and egregious humor” that permeates cartoons that are currently popular on network TV.


“Shows like The Family Guy and The Simpsons have, for several years, crossed the line of respectability, and it’s high-time I said something,” remarked Flintstone while adjusting the collar on his leopard-skin onesie. “Sure, I kept a dinosaur in the house, and was a pitch-man for Winston cigarettes, and sometimes screamed at my wife like she was a Jersey hooker, but at least I didn’t have barbershop quartets bursting into hospital rooms telling people they’ve got the AIDS.”

Flintstone explained how American humor, particularly in animation, had sunk to an all-time low.

“Back in the sixties, the most violent we ever got was a little club humor—you know, Bamm-Bamm bonked some schmuck over the head, that old bit,” Flintstone recalled. “But these days, it’s not uncommon to see this Homer guy choke one of his kids to the point of blacking out. Am I a little jealous? Sure—there were a few times I wanted to choke the shit out of Pebbles—but my point is that kind of discipline needs to happen off-camera.”

Not all in the animation community believe Flintstone’s criticisms are sincere, however, and many suspect that personal motives belie his call for higher standards.

“Flinstone is a bitter has-been, plain and simple,” remarked John Saunders, spokesperson for the Federal Communications Commission. “Mark my words: once this joker gets his name back in the papers, he’ll exploit it for all it’s worth—Fred will be on the next season of Celebrity Fit Club, weeping about his compulsive snacking and Wilma’s secret battle with bipolar disorder.”

Labels: cartoons, Flintstones