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“The Two Coreys” Gains Second Viewer

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Haim and Feldman: Lamer Than a Booger Sandwich

(Los Angeles, CA)—Eighties teen-stars Corey Haim and Corey Feldman have experienced a small resurgence in popularity in recent months as their reality television program “The Two Coreys”–which has become a staple of A&E’s weeknight cycle—has once again thrust their staid, uninteresting lives into the limelight.

And to the utter amazement of producers and television critics alike, the show gained its second viewer over the weekend, which has become the sole litmus test for kitschy reality programs to endure season after worthless season of scripted misadventures.

“I was surfing the basic cable channels Saturday night since my wife Vicky was at a sleepover for her niece’s baby shower,” remarked new viewer Tom Ingman, a building contractor in Providence, Rhode Island. “And I remembered those two Corey guys from that dumb-ass vampire flick ‘The Lost Boys.’ Anyway, there was nothing else on, so I watched their show. It wasn’t any good, but I might watch it again if Vicky has a late night at the office or something. Hey—did you know one of those Corey dudes got like, really fat?”

Programming executives at A&E were “ecstatic” upon learning that “The Two Coreys” had expanded its core audience.

“The fact that the Coreys are breaking into that ever-difficult 30-49 male demographic is truly exciting news,” remarked a jubilant Melinda Mayhew, a spokesperson for A&E. “We may still have a rough road ahead, but with two dedicated fans, we already have more viewers than ‘The Chevy Chase Show’ and ‘Joanie Loves Chachi’ combined.”

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