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9/11/2007

VMAs Once Again Celebrate the Inanity of Pop Music

A National Nitwit Special Report


By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Los Vegas, NV)—From Britney’s botched lip-synch comeback to a brawl between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock, MTV’s perennial Music Video Awards once again elevated the obtuse spectacle of celebridom on Sunday, further obliterating the channel’s once fervent legacy to cutting edge rock and hip-hop.

Beauty and the Beast on the VMA Red Carpet

“Yeah, I mean, some music got played n’ stuff, but I spent most of the night looking at people’s clothes,” remarked Tina Biggs, a Vegas floozy whose production assistant boyfriend was busy attending to Kanye West’s fickle diet. “That, and about fifteen minutes in I did four lines of coke, so I don’t remember much anyway. But there were a lot of famous people. And sparkles.”

Timbaland was one of the nights few highlights, as he won four awards in various categories and beseeched MTV to play more videos and less low-brow reality programming.

But overall, the evening was another self-congratulatory celebration of all things glitz and glamour.

“You know, I spent thirty hours setting up speakers and mixing boards, and now that this shit is over, I get to stay here and coil cable until 4 a.m.,” huffed Frank DeCurso, an MTV sound engineer. “Whatever happened to Three Dog Night and the Allman Brothers? If I have to hear another fucking rapper spit ‘YEAH UH UH’ into an $800 Shure [microphone], I’m going back to Circuit City.”

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