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10/26/2007

California Boy Mourns Treehouse Porn Lost in Blaze

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

An Inconsolable Mavis Chokes Back the Tears

(San Bernardino County, CA)—As California wildfires continue to ravage home and forest alike for the sixth consecutive day, twelve year-old Trevor Mavis is enduring his own personal loss.

His collection of pornographic magazines, conspicuously hidden in his treehouse, has been lost to the onslaught of smoke and flame.

“We live away from the city and have a pretty big yard,” Mavis recounted in a slow, belabored voice while staring stoically into the horizon. “I guess I should say HAD. We lost the house and all our stuff, and that’s sad n’ all, but the treehouse…I’ll put it this way: I had 27 copies of Playboy. I don’t have 27 t-shirts. Jimmy Richards, the rich kid in my class, doesn’t even have 27 X-Box games. That treehouse was a treasure trove of boob, straight up.”

Mavis went on to note that his loss was insignificant compared to the seven lives lost thus far, but that it gave him little comfort to think of what the future may hold after the blaze subsides.

“I guess it hasn’t really hit me yet, ‘cause we’re living in this shelter and there are all these hot bitches from the Red Cross and National Guard, not to mention the college girls volunteering,” Mavis pondered. “But at some point we’re gonna have to return. And I’ll see that treehouse, that place I learned about three-ways and female ejaculation, all burned to ash…[pause]…that’s all I got, man. Let’s stop this interview.”

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