.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


David Copperfield to Fans: “This FBI Investigation is an Illusion”

A National Nitwit Special Report
By Billy Pilgrim, Rogue Editor

(Los Angeles)—Famed magician David Copperfield has become the center of a whirlwind FBI investigation in recent days that has resulted in the cancellation of his current tour and the seizure of millions of dollars in personal assets.

Copperfield: Can’t Keep Those Magic Hands to Himself

And while some claim the impetus is a rather serious allegation of sexual misconduct, Copperfield himself announced today that the entire legal inquest is, in fact, his most recent magical exhibition.

“Watch as the FBI seizes my passport and combs my hard drive for any shred of evidence,” Copperfield charismatically intoned during a press conference earlier this morning. “You can plainly see there is nothing up my sleeves, nor any wires or pulleys, and yet soon—quite soon, in fact—my reputation will be jeopardy once the details of this investigation hit newsstands. But know that this is all my doing! You are baring witness to the greatest magic trick the world has ever seen!”

Copperfield continued to emphatically explain how these seemingly detrimental charges of misconduct were actually a carefully orchestrated performance.

“Any magician can saw a woman in half, or make a flock of doves appear out of thin air,” Copperfield calmly reflected. “But it takes a magician of profound skill indeed to let the world witness his utter embarrassment and ridicule, only to be triumph in the end, and have the entire drama be an illusion of his own making! And think, not a single ticket sold! This entire show is free for the world to see, and I, David Copperfield, have made you all believe!”

Labels: ,

Comments: Post a Comment

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?