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Gore to Bush: “Booyah Fuckface, I Won the Nobel!”

A National Nitwit Special Report
By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Washington, D.C.)—To the utter surprise of political pundits and journalists around the world, former Vice President Al Gore was among a United Nations team of climate change activists who won the Nobel Peace Prize earlier this morning.

But perhaps what is even more remarkable was Gore’s “ghetto-flavored response,” which was littered with expletives and derogatory remarks leveled against President George Bush.

A Vindicated Gore: Fouler Than a Truck Stop Toilet Seat

“I’ve had to look at this dumb-ass nigga for eight years, knowing he took my motherfuckin’ job n’ shit,” Gore remarked while swilling a massive bottle of Courvoisier cognac straight-up behind an elaborately decorated podium. “But I guess he got to rec-og-nize now, son! His approval ratings are lower than Nixon’s during Watergate, and my ass just won the most prestigious motherfuckin’ humanitarian award there is. Holla!”

Gore continued to celebrate despite his increasing level of inebriation.

“Where’s that Jenna Bush ho at?” Gore slurred while tugging at his belt buckle and swaying wildly. “Y’all seen that bitch, right? Goddamn shorty lookin’ good! If she be here, I swear I’d put a tube of Vaseline on her ass and pound until her eyes popped out, right in front of all these motherfuckin’ cameras. Now somebody call Papa John’s--daddy needs to feed.”

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