.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

10/08/2007

If Hitler Was Alive, He’d Be a Cowboys Fan

A National Nitwit Guest Editorial
By Frank O’Riley, Diehard Washington Redskins Fan


O’Riley: His Rosacea Matches His Burgundy Jersey

On Sunday, the greatest team to ever play the game of football — the Washington Redskins —
trounced the Detroit Lions 34-3 in an ass-pounding blowout. But there are some jagoffs out there who still think those soulless, cum-gurgling Cowboys and their golden boy Tony Romo are the NFC’s best team.

You know what, though? If Hitler was alive today, he’d be a Cowboys fan, and that would be just another reason to invade Europe and kick his Nazi ass all over again.

How do I know Hitler would be a Cowboys fan? Tons of reasons. For starters, the Cowboys have always played their brand of thug ball, just like those goose-stepping fuck-bags who threw all those innocent Jews into death camps and shit. Roger Staubach? Thug. Troy Aikman? Super Thug. Michael Irvin? Worst. Thug. Ever. I could just see that loud-mouth bastard gassing a whole room of naked shivering preteens without an ounce of remorse, because that’s how he played on the field every goddamn Sunday.

And don’t get me started on the Cowboys uniform. I mean, they have a star on their helmets for Chrissakes! They openly mock the Holocaust as if it never happened n’ shit. I mean, I’m no Jew, but c’mon…what kind of heartless scat-muncher plays four quarters of pigskin while simultaneously tainting the memory of twelve million mass-murder victims?

If Hitler was alive, he’d have season tickets on the fifty yard line, rooting for these mung-slurping hillbilly rejects every time they made a play. I can just see him now, with that little faggot mustache of his, screaming his crazy guttural German each time Romo wiggled his girlie ass up to the line of scrimmage to make another limp-wristed screen pass.

So week in and week out, I root for my ‘Skins, but I also root for whoever is playing the fucking Cowboys, because it’s not just about football—it’s about freedom, and Jesus, and whatever beer happens to be Dollar Draft of the Week.

Labels: ,


Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?