National Nitwit

Guest Editorial by
Philips Haverhill, sexual economist

Many readers assume that the traditional method of obtaining sex - namely, through the acquisition of and negotiating with a monogamous partner - provides the safest returns and surest opportunities for sexual gratification.

Nothing, my friends, could be further from the truth.

The best value is in sex continues to be hookers, and for real value one simply cannot argue with mid-range call girls, who are trading currently at 40 percent discounts to net asset value for savvy negotiators. More importantly, one can improve on these already heady returns and pick up some interesting yields from forced sellers.

Take "Adriana," for example, who is a Brazilian hooker I met up with on a recent trip to Rio de Janeiro. Brazil's falling interest and inflation rates have coincided with stability in the political system and considerable growth in the owner-occupier property sector, which turned out to bode well for my negotiations. Knowing these indicators, I was able to work Adriana down from 150 Brazilian Reais (about $84) down to a much more affordable 90 Reais for our 60-minute session, plus I had her pick up the tab for the bottle of wine I had delivered by room service, since she consumed almost the entire bottle.

Simply put, there is a glut in the global sex markets, and to enhance their competitiveness in an era of increasing globalization, hookers need to cut down production costs and focus on improving quality. That means better, cheaper sex for you in the short-term future, and I project that the hooker market will continue to provide its customers with impressive value in the coming decade.