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12/30/2007

“O.C.” Actress Busted for Acting Like Character on “The O.C.”

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Barton: I Can’t Drive 55…or Sober

(Los Angeles, CA)—Actress Mischa Barton, who rocketed to stardom during her stint on the tweenie drama “The O.C.” as the belabored drama queen Marissa Cooper, was arrested early Thursday morning for driving under the influence and possessing several narcotic substances.

Barton was flabbergasted, however, that her real-life behavior could be so harshly penalized for mimicking her small-screen exploits.

“Jesus, I don’t know what the big deal is I just had some weed and beers fuckin’ pigs,” Barton slurred from her jail cell after fingerprinting. “Fuckin’ did this on TV all the time overdosing stuff and famous now. Famous! Can’t believe this. Like, fuckin’, don’t wanna mug shot. HEY PIGS I’M ON MY PERIOD IN HERE CAN I GET SOME RESPECT YOU FASCISTS!”

Sadly, Barton’s arrest concludes a tenuous year for young Hollywood starlets, as Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan also had their fair share of legal difficulty in 2007.

“Apparently rehab and global embarrassment isn’t enough for these young ladies,” remarked Elvira Nichols, a syndicated celebrity columnist. “If they don’t watch themselves, all four of these vixens will be so broken and listless by their wanton partying that they’ll snort broken glass out of Robert Downey, Jr.’s puckered anus just to feel something.”

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