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1/02/2008

Jamie Lynn Spears Rejects "Filthy Teen Whore" Label

(Los Angeles, CA) Pregnant teen actress Jamie Lynn Spears, sister of pop singer Britney Spears and star of Nickelodeon's "Zoey 101" program, told National Nitwit reporters that she "totally denies" that she is a nasty, cum-slurping slut.

"No way, no way," she reiterated. "I've been with, like, less than two dozen guys in my life, and me and Casey [Aldridge, her 19-year-old boyfriend] had been monogamatic for like, three weeks. Y'all are a bunch of haters."

Spears attributed her reputation as a grimy, sullied hoe-bag to "jealous skanks in the press."

"Let's face it - most of the ugly lesbians who work as reporters got teased a lot in school," the unclean skeezer speculated. "If I was that repulsive, I'd probably hate me, too."

Spears added that she is going to keep a "positive attitude" about news accounts depicting her as a disease-ridden hoochie, and that she hopes to turn her notoriety as a white-trash, slaggy cum dumpster into new career opportunities.

"Look - there are lots of films that require the presence of some besmirched, instant-bang slapper," she noted. "With my notoriety as a sordid, cock-craving trick, I will straight up have no problems landing movie roles as a nasty, bunghole-licking piece of meat. Plus, there are just tons of rap videos that use smutty, contaminated, crack-whore types, so I should be good there, too."

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