National Nitwit

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Diddy to Get All Grammatical On Yo Ass?

(New York)—It was only a few short weeks ago that the tabloid press seemingly went bananas over Sean ‘P. Diddy’ Combs—formerly known as ‘Puff Daddy’—and his possible name change to ‘Sean Jean,’ the moniker of his urban-chic clothing line.

While Diddy did his best to dismiss such claims as “baseless rumors,” it appears that he is once again considering a new pseudonym: D.J. Diphthong.

“I been in the game too long now to have these joke rappas all tryin’ to steal the limelight, you feel me,” Diddy explained during an exclusive phone interview with the National Nitwit. “I gots to keep my shit fresh. I ain’t sayin’ I’m gonna go changin’ shit [such as my name], but if I was, you might wake some day soon to find yo nigga D.J. Diphthong is keepin’ it ol’ school.”

Ironically, Diddy seemed unaware that ‘diphthong’ is a linguistic term for vowel sliding in monosyllabic words (such as ‘toy’ and ‘same’), but he nonetheless expressed sincere excitement about the word’s symbolic potential.

“Me and some shorties be grindin’ last week, and it turns out this one bitch be like a PhD in grammarology or some shit,” Diddy recalled. “I don’t remember much of that night, if you feel me, but she dropped some heavy shit on my ass when she broke out that word ‘diphthong.’ That’s some medieval intellectual shit right there, and fo-sho D.J. Diphthong would let these punk-ass playas know that a corporate gansta is still a motherfuckin’ gansta, if you catch what I be throwin’.”