.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Bush Celebrates 5-Year Iraq Anniversary with Cake, Clowns

Left: President Bush gets ready to do the limbo

President Bush marked five years since ordering the invasion of Iraq with a celebratory party at an undisclosed Washington location, replete with party favors and chocolate cake.

"The successes we are seeing in Iraq are undeniable, yet some in Washington still call for retreat," the President told reporters as he helped himself to some cotton candy. "What they ought to be doing is grabbing a couple of these here cupcakes - they got this crunchy rainbow candy in 'em, and I'll be damned if I couldn't stop before eating six of the fuckers. Hoo-ee!"

Bush indicated that he's not ready to withdraw more troops from Iraq than have been scheduled to leave through about mid-July.

"I will say this: that funny clown really fooled me with the rabbit-shaped balloon he blew up," chuckled Mr. Bush. "I thought he was trying to screw with me, turning it into a machine gun-wielding soldier shooting up an Iraqi baby or some shit. But no: just a bunny. Good thing, too, because I would've bitch-slapped the fucker if Happy the Clown tried to pull a fast one on me."

The President defended his often-criticized Iraq policies.

"The answers are clear to me: removing Saddam Hussein from power was the right decision," he said. "It's too bad, though, because I would have liked to play Lawn Jarts with that dude, and maybe eat a few hot dogs or something. We could've been buds, if I didn't have to hang his ass and all. Still, the punch at this shindig is first-rate, and I might try to nail one of these soccer moms after Laura calls it a night. Hell, by 8 o'clock, this party will be just getting started! Maybe we can play a game of 'pin the tail on the President's cock' or something wacky like that."

Labels: ,

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?