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3/19/2008

Bush Celebrates 5-Year Iraq Anniversary with Cake, Clowns

Left: President Bush gets ready to do the limbo

President Bush marked five years since ordering the invasion of Iraq with a celebratory party at an undisclosed Washington location, replete with party favors and chocolate cake.

"The successes we are seeing in Iraq are undeniable, yet some in Washington still call for retreat," the President told reporters as he helped himself to some cotton candy. "What they ought to be doing is grabbing a couple of these here cupcakes - they got this crunchy rainbow candy in 'em, and I'll be damned if I couldn't stop before eating six of the fuckers. Hoo-ee!"

Bush indicated that he's not ready to withdraw more troops from Iraq than have been scheduled to leave through about mid-July.

"I will say this: that funny clown really fooled me with the rabbit-shaped balloon he blew up," chuckled Mr. Bush. "I thought he was trying to screw with me, turning it into a machine gun-wielding soldier shooting up an Iraqi baby or some shit. But no: just a bunny. Good thing, too, because I would've bitch-slapped the fucker if Happy the Clown tried to pull a fast one on me."

The President defended his often-criticized Iraq policies.

"The answers are clear to me: removing Saddam Hussein from power was the right decision," he said. "It's too bad, though, because I would have liked to play Lawn Jarts with that dude, and maybe eat a few hot dogs or something. We could've been buds, if I didn't have to hang his ass and all. Still, the punch at this shindig is first-rate, and I might try to nail one of these soccer moms after Laura calls it a night. Hell, by 8 o'clock, this party will be just getting started! Maybe we can play a game of 'pin the tail on the President's cock' or something wacky like that."

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