National Nitwit

A National Nitwit Guest Editorial
By Jack Kirshner, Baltimore Deliveryman

Kirshner: Maryland’s Last True Patriot?

You know, March 11th marked the 6 ½ year anniversary of those horrific terrorist attacks on our nation. And this entire week, as I’ve loaded my delivery truck and driven up and down the gritty streets of Baltimore, I was shocked—I mean fuckin’ shocked—that there wasn’t a single 9/11 tribute anywhere. No candlelight vigils, no marches, no prayer banners hung from corporate buildings.

So listen up, Baltimore: I’m fuckin’ outraged by the lack of 9/11 tributes in this town.

Have we already forgotten that 6 ½ years ago, the entire Middle East, along with Russia and South Korea, destroyed nineteen city blocks of New York City, claiming the lives of millions of Americans and their pets? They went ballistic on our asses—they bombed the Trade Towers, decimated our schools and churches, and slaughtered women and children like it was a fuckin’ round of paintball.

Well ol’ Jack hasn’t forgotten. And that’s why I’m here to call it as I see it: Baltimore, you don’t give two shits. Why, if this town really cared about America, people would spend their lunch breaks getting Uncle Sam tattoos and putting yellow ribbon magnets on their Nissan Sentras. Folks all over this city would be mailin’ six-packs of beer to our boys over there in the desert, so they could pound a few Natty Bo’s after wasting those fuckin’ sand-niggers for what they done to our firefighters and nuns and such.

9/11 was like the Holocaust, the Colts moving to Indianapolis, and that asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs rolled together times a zillion. It’s high time you paid your respects, Baltimore, if you don’t want me rubbin’ my balls all over your precious Amazon book order.

Labels: 9/11, Baltimore