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5/29/2008

Sharon Stone: Birth Defects, Tornadoes Also Karmic Events

(Los Angeles, CA) Actress Sharon Stone, who raised eyebrows for suggesting the devastating May 12 earthquake was a result of "bad karma," told National Nitwit reporters that earthquakes are not the only manifestation of karmic retribution.

"Without a doubt - those freaky-looking Down syndrome kids must have done something in a previous life to get those slopy foreheads and squinty eyes," she said, pausing to scratch a sore on her arm. "But you have to admit that Corky dude from that old Life Goes On TV show was pretty funny. In fact, when I'm trying to delay an orgasm, I picture his cross-eyed, buck-toothed grin, and I can stave off cumming as long as I want, although the men I'm with get a little anxious if I giggle out loud while fantasizing about getting retardo-fucked by drool-boy Corky."

Stone added that recent tornado victims in the Midwest also "probably did some weird shit" that brought about karmic consequences.

"Listen - you just know those inbred Arkansas and Kansas creeps are screwing around in ways that would make John Waters blush," she noted, retrieving a chunk of ear wax and wiping it on her skirt. "I used to date this Kentucky guy once, and he insisted on calling me 'Mama' while he was drilling me up the ass and clamping my nipples with a set of jumper cables. I mean, I got off and everything, but I felt kinda dirty later, you know?"

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