.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

5/29/2008

Sharon Stone: Birth Defects, Tornadoes Also Karmic Events

(Los Angeles, CA) Actress Sharon Stone, who raised eyebrows for suggesting the devastating May 12 earthquake was a result of "bad karma," told National Nitwit reporters that earthquakes are not the only manifestation of karmic retribution.

"Without a doubt - those freaky-looking Down syndrome kids must have done something in a previous life to get those slopy foreheads and squinty eyes," she said, pausing to scratch a sore on her arm. "But you have to admit that Corky dude from that old Life Goes On TV show was pretty funny. In fact, when I'm trying to delay an orgasm, I picture his cross-eyed, buck-toothed grin, and I can stave off cumming as long as I want, although the men I'm with get a little anxious if I giggle out loud while fantasizing about getting retardo-fucked by drool-boy Corky."

Stone added that recent tornado victims in the Midwest also "probably did some weird shit" that brought about karmic consequences.

"Listen - you just know those inbred Arkansas and Kansas creeps are screwing around in ways that would make John Waters blush," she noted, retrieving a chunk of ear wax and wiping it on her skirt. "I used to date this Kentucky guy once, and he insisted on calling me 'Mama' while he was drilling me up the ass and clamping my nipples with a set of jumper cables. I mean, I got off and everything, but I felt kinda dirty later, you know?"

Labels: , , ,


# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 3:50 PM
Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?