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NBC Mourns Russert’s Death By Exploiting It For Ratings

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Goodnight, Sweet Prince, From All Your Friends at the Nitwit

(Washington, D.C.)—As the nation grieved the untimely passing of esteemed journalist Tim Russert last Friday, NBC did the only logical thing possible to mourn the death of their beloved “Meet the Press” host and Washington Bureau Chief: they shamelessly whored the story for ratings.

“The dude had barely been dead for two hours before they put Brokaw on the air in a black suit shouting it from the rooftop,” chided Jude McMillan, a consultant for the media watchdog Free Exercise. “I don’t know about you, but if one of my best friends just died, I’d be sobbing on my couch like a little bitch. Remember the last episode of The Wonder Years? Multiply that by a billion, that’s how fucking hard I’d sob.”

So even as the Russert family remains secluded in mourning less than a week after this fateful tragedy, NBC continues its parade of tributes and testimonials to the detriment of all other newsworthy events around the globe.

“You know, Iowa is under water right now and gas is nearly five bucks a gallon,” bemoaned Trisha Baxter, a housewife in the Washington suburbs. “But to watch any NBC station right now, you’d think the Jesus Christ of Journalism had gone to the hereafter. And I’m not saying Russert was a bad guy—he had more integrity than all those other pundits put together—but for fuck’s sake give his family some privacy. Plus, I haven’t seen any drunken of footage of Lindsay Lohan in three days!”

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