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9/05/2008

Sarah Palin to Shoot Penthouse Spread

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Palin: Hiding Some Double Ds Under Those Pant Suits?

(Washington, D.C.)—Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin announced earlier this morning that she plans to shoot a no-holds-barred spread for Penthouse magazine as a means to “truly reveal” herself to American voters.

Palin, who has faced great skepticism from Republicans and Democrats alike for her lack of political experience, asserted that this risqué decision would assuage any doubts about her capacity as a leader.

“This past week on the campaign trail has been a grueling one, my fellow Americans,” Palin boomed during a packed news conference. “I have faced many intimate questions about my family, my womanhood, and my experiences as the governor of Alaska, one of the least populated states in this great nation of ours. That is why I have decided to literally unzip for this election, and show America who I really am—tits, vajayjay, and all.”

This provocative announcement was met with ecstatic praise, particularly among Palin’s hardcore conservative base.

“After eight years of Dick Cheney, this woman is like the Virgin Mary, but a sluttier, Tina Fey version of the Virgin Mary,” explained a jubilant Evan Howe, a chief strategist for the McCain campaign. “When voters see her toned abs, tastefully trimmed hoo-hah, and scrumptious breasts bursting from a maid uniform in the pages of Penthouse magazine, they’ll arrive at the only logical conclusion: Barack Obama is a terrorist and a clear threat to our national security.”

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