National Nitwit

Orleans finding new ways of promoting musical illiteracy

(Toledo, OH) Kevin Orleans - overnight, fill-in, and weekend host for Toledo's WXKR-94.5 - has a new source of amusement to kill time on his $8 per hour job.

As he announces songs that have just been played, he finds opportunities to insert "half-truths and bald-faced lies" about the music.

"Last night, for example, I added that Elton John played piano on Led Zeppelin's 'Boogie with Stu,' and not a single listener called up to challenge me," he laughed. "So after the next set I said that Joe Walsh played lead guitar on the Bob Seger 'Live Bullet' album. Finally some wasted dipshit called in about 4:30 [am], and I told him he misheard me. Too funny."

Orleans said the only time his audience "showed any signs of brain function" was during a lie he told after an Eric Clapton song.

"I said that the song 'Tears in Heaven' was written by Clapton in memory John Lennon," he chuckled, noting that the song was actually written for Clapton's son Conor. "I got like ten calls in two minutes telling me the real story. I guess I underestimated this gang of drunks, insomniacs, and drooling feebs."

Whoops - Orleans got caught on this one

The mirthful radio host said that he has developed a "sure-fire formula" for his disinformation campaign.

"You have to stay away from making impossible claims about records released after 1995 or so, since newer music is likely to be completely dissected on the Web," he said, crushing a Camel Menthol Light as he queued the next three tracks. "But who the hell is going to know if Steve Marriott did or didn't play rythm guitar and sing background vocals for Bachman Turner Overdrive on their 1975 tour? Check and mate, sir."

Labels: disinformation, music, Toledo, WXKR

Left: Both vehicles totaled, two drivers dead in mishap

(Toledo, OH) Toledo police responded to a fatal auto accident involving drivers who, witnesses say, were performing imaginary instruments just prior to the crash.

Killed in the wreck were Josh Gibbons, 24, of Toledo and Patrick Rensslear, 21, of Maumee, and both men were driving the vehicles involved.

"It happened so fast - one second Josh was jamming on the dashboard piano to the Ben Folds song 'Brick,' and the next second we hit this red car," sobbed Jennifer Niles, a passenger in the backseat who escaped without serious injury. "It's such a tragedy, especially to lose someone so young with so much talent."

Rensslear, according to a passenger in his vehicle, had just launched into the frenetic drum work on The Who's "Love Reign O'er Me" when the accident occurred.

"Pat had Keith Moon's moves down perfect - even the high hat," said Owen Fitzhugh from his hospital bed. "It was just after the last chorus, when Roger Daltry is screaming 'LOVE!' I was doing the Pete Townshend guitar windmills, Pat was doing those insane drum rolls, and then 'BAM!' Lights out, man."

Left: Air drummer Rensslear in a 2005 competition

Both men have performed in contests for air instruments. Rensslear won the 2005 Air Drummist Rolloff in Los Angeles, while Gibbons has been a regular participant in the US Air Guitar World Championships, although he never took home a trophy. Fitzhugh said the double tragedy was a "terrible loss" to the area's entertainment scene.

"I grew up worshipping both of these visionary air musicians," he said, looking out the hospital window as tears welled up in his eyes. "These guys could never be replaced, and the Toledo music community will never be the same again."

Labels: air drummer, dashboard pianist, Toledo