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Cheney Now Over 50 Percent Artificial

Left: Cyber-VP Dick Cheney

(Washington, DC) Vice President Dick Cheney worked from his home today after recuperating from surgery to repair aneurysms on the back of both plastic knees.

Steve Schmidt, spokesman for the vice president-borg, said Cheney was doing well after the procedure.

"Yes, the vice president-borg is doing fine," he said, making some software adjustment's on Cheney's instrument panel. "While he was in we changed the gear oil on his hips and rewired his neuro-cranial package."

Cheney, 64, has a history of health problems, surviving four heart attacks, a quadruple bypass surgery, a bionic arm implant, two angioplasties, an artificial lung surgery, implant of a mechanical pancreas, replacement of his entire digestive tract with a polyeurothane "plasto-gut," and an operation to implant a computerizedpacemaker in his chest.

Schmidt chcuckled in recounting Cheney's first words after waking up.

"He said 'Danger, Will Robinson,' and 'It does not compute,'" he said, referening the Robot fromt he 1960s show Lost in Space. "That VP-borg, what a kidder! That was a truly human moment when we realized that there is still more than a spark of the old Dick left."

Wow, I thought he'd be at least 75% by now. Good investigative journalism.

Speaking of the old dick...

Would you care to comment on the rumored enhancements to the ole drilling equipment?

I heard that the erector mechanism has been totally replaced with titanium this time and the new transmission now has a rapid fire stutter-plunge mode (with extended plunge).

Lynn Cheney just giggles and grins, managing a giddy "no comment" when asked about Dick's well... now, tricky dick.
I have been bested. Too funny!
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