.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

9/26/2005

Cheney Now Over 50 Percent Artificial

Left: Cyber-VP Dick Cheney

(Washington, DC) Vice President Dick Cheney worked from his home today after recuperating from surgery to repair aneurysms on the back of both plastic knees.

Steve Schmidt, spokesman for the vice president-borg, said Cheney was doing well after the procedure.

"Yes, the vice president-borg is doing fine," he said, making some software adjustment's on Cheney's instrument panel. "While he was in we changed the gear oil on his hips and rewired his neuro-cranial package."

Cheney, 64, has a history of health problems, surviving four heart attacks, a quadruple bypass surgery, a bionic arm implant, two angioplasties, an artificial lung surgery, implant of a mechanical pancreas, replacement of his entire digestive tract with a polyeurothane "plasto-gut," and an operation to implant a computerizedpacemaker in his chest.

Schmidt chcuckled in recounting Cheney's first words after waking up.

"He said 'Danger, Will Robinson,' and 'It does not compute,'" he said, referening the Robot fromt he 1960s show Lost in Space. "That VP-borg, what a kidder! That was a truly human moment when we realized that there is still more than a spark of the old Dick left."

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 2:38 PM
Comments:
Wow, I thought he'd be at least 75% by now. Good investigative journalism.

:-)
# posted by Blogger Unknown : 6:21 PM
 
Speaking of the old dick...

Would you care to comment on the rumored enhancements to the ole drilling equipment?

I heard that the erector mechanism has been totally replaced with titanium this time and the new transmission now has a rapid fire stutter-plunge mode (with extended plunge).

Lynn Cheney just giggles and grins, managing a giddy "no comment" when asked about Dick's well... now, tricky dick.
# posted by Blogger Hooda Thunkit (Dave Zawodny) : 4:09 PM
 
I have been bested. Too funny!
# posted by Blogger Subcomandante Bob : 4:48 PM
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?