.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

10/27/2005

Janet: I'm Not A Mother


(Los Angeles, CA) Janet Jackson today denied that she has ever given birth to any children.

The secretive pop diva broke her silence Wednesday on assertions by her former brother-in-law that she has a secret 18-year-old daughter.

"I do not have a child, and all allegations saying so are false," Jackson said in a brief statement. "All of my offspring were hatched, as is the fashion on the planet from which I was sent."

Jackson added that her species does not even recognize fillial ties.

"We do not accept the notion of 'family,' at least not as earthlings recognize it," she said. "This whole 'Jackson' nonsense was created by Berry Gordy as a way for my people to seamlessly integrate into Earth society. Obviously, given the fact that our 'family' is so dysfunctional, you can see that this has not worked out."

James DeBarge said on the air that his brother and Jackson, who were briefly married from 1984 to 1985, had a baby together. The child, named Renee, was allegedly raised by Jackson's fictive sister Rebbie.

"Look - I disavow any connection to this person," said Jackson, showing reporters an unusual external egg sac. "Do you think that a human could gestate in this reptilian appendage? I think not."

Comments:
she IS a mutha, tho
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?