National Nitwit

(Baghdad, Iraq) Iraq's main Sunni political party has called for an international inquiry into the alleged self-abuse by more than 170 detainees in Baghdad.

The prisoners were found in a US raid on an Iraqi interior ministry building in the central Jadiriya district of Baghdad.

"We want an international and impartial inquiry as we are beginning to think there are people high up in government who are responsible for abusing themselves," said Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari. "It is unconscionable that people would torture themselves just to make President Bush and me look bad."

A joint statement by the American Embassy and the United States military command called the situation "totally unacceptable" and said American officials "agree with Iraq's leaders that self-abuse by detainees will not be tolerated."

For American officials in Iraq, still smarting from the Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse scandal, the new allegations came at a particularly inopportune moment.

Brigadier Geneneral Karl Horst of the Third Infantry Division, the commander of the raid, said that there would be more operations directed at uncovering secret detention centers.

"We're going to hit every single one of them," he said. "We will not allow these sick individuals to beat the ever-living shit out of themselves just to weaken the war on terrorism."