.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

12/26/2005

Emergency Surgery On Sharon Brings Unexpected Results


(Jerusalem) Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon underwent heart surgery to find the reason for his mild stroke last week, his doctors said on Monday.

Physicians, however, noted some unusual findings in the four-hour surgery on the 77-year old Sharon.

"The most noteworthy discovery is that Sharon, in fact, does not even have a heart," said Tamir Ben-Hur of the Hadassah hospital. "This helps explain his ability to mow down hundreds of people at the Sabra and Shatila refugee camps in Lebanon in 1982. We always wondered how someone could be so heartless, and now we know."

Blood appears to circulate through Sharon's ice-cold veins through sheer force of will, said physicians.

"The man has an iron constitution, and he is able to consciously control his own blood flow and pressure," said Ben-Hur. "It's the damndest thing."

In the past, Sharon has evaded requests to publicize his medical history, despite his claims that all the examinations attest to his good health and that their publication would worry only his political rivals.

"I can see now why he did not want any of this information to go public," said Ben-Hur, who added that Sharon's blood is "more like anti-freeze" than the normal variety. "A guy lacking a heart might scare away voters, although Bush managed to get reelected while lacking a brain."

Comments:
soulless bastard
 
Sharon is Satan!!
 
Cold, cold, cold Bob...

(accurate, but still cold.)
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?