National Nitwit

Left: View from one of the Department of Homeland Security's new Sani-Cams

(Washington, DC) The Bush Administration, under fire for a domestic spying campaign to root out terrorists, announced today that new steps will be taken to uncover terrorist plots.

President Bush outlined one of the techniques that operatives in the Department of Homeland Security will be using.

"Listen - terrorists goota take a dump just like anyone else," he said. "We will now require all public restrooms to be equipped with Sani-Cams to root out covert activity in the nation's restrooms."

Security cameras in Logan International Airport gave Bush the idea.

Left: Atta, moments after doing God only knows what in an airport restroom

"Mohamed Atta was in the Logan terminal restroom for something like nine minutes before boarding Flight 11," he said. "What was he doing in there all that time? Maybe if we had Sani-Cams in Logan on 9-11, the lives of thousands of people might have been saved."

The President said that the Sani-Cams will also have hidden benefits, such as preventing terrorist detonations of deadly stink bombs.

"If any of those terrorist types think they can get jobs at fast food restaurants and forget to wash their hands, they are dead wrong," said Bush. "We will bust their asses fast, long before they can go back into the kitchen and get their E.coli - tainted fingers on the nation's burger buns."