National Nitwit

(Jerusalem) Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, in critical condition following a second stroke, continued to fight back against the divine action.

"God sent down a mighty smite on Ariel Sharon for dividing his land," said television evangelist Pat Robertson. "I just don't understand why that fat bastard hasn't died, though. Usually when you get a Godsmack, that's it. Done. End of story."

Sharon, 77, remains in a Jerusalem hospital after suffering the severe stroke. He was breathing with the aid of a ventilator after doctors operated to stop the bleeding in his brain this morning.

Robertson remained upbeat that the divine retribution would prevail.

"I'm sure God is just about ready to send another lightning bolt or something," he said. "What's the point in letting Sharon live? He can go right back out and give away God's land again."

Robertson, 75, last stirred controversy in August when he called for the assassination of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. He criticized Israeli doctors for interfering with divine will.

"This just shows the Jews are heathens," he said. "Of course, considering that they murdered Jesus Christ, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that these shifty bastards are up to no good."