.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

1/03/2006

Woman Ponders Suicide In Return Line At Old Navy


By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Poughkeepsie, NY)—Theresa Quinn, a 43-year-old financial consultant and mother of two, debated taking her own life while waiting to exchange a sweater in an “epic purgatorial mindfuck” queue at Old Navy, a national clothing retailer.

The sweater in question was a present from Ms. Quinn’s estranged mother, Isabelle, who currently lives in Denver, and has sent her daughter ill-sized clothing items for a record-breaking 9 years.

And while Ms. Quinn has no record of mental illness, the post-holiday letdown has all but crippled her emotional capacity.

“I knew as soon as UPS came it was another shitty gift from mommy,” Quinn remarked as she uncomfortably shifter her weight from foot to foot. “I swear to God, if this line doesn’t move soon, I’m going to hang myself with a pair of cargo pants.”

According to eyewitness reports, Ms. Quinn appeared “visibly shaken” moments later when cashier Margo Baxter, 17, closed her register for lunchtime, reducing the store’s efficiency from three lines to two.

“Dude, I thought that lady was gonna drop a box of flared denim on her skull,” revealed Mic Lawson, a local college student who stood behind Ms. Quinn for 45 minutes. “I’ve never seen anyone so distraught over a $13 cardigan in my whole life.”

Comments:
ARRRRGGGGHHH!!

Sorry - just feeling her pain!
 
Everyone has their own personal HELL to endure.

AT least she didn't "go postal" on everyone in line.
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?