National Nitwit

(Tampa, FL) President Bush, addressing a question posed to him by an audience member of a rally in this Florida city, implored the nation's business leaders to help with an estimated 10 million illegal aliens.

"If there's a willing employer and a willing worker on a job an American won't do, then it's OK to fill that job, so long as you're not here permanently," Bush said. "I therefore ask this country's CEOs to create at least 5 million really shitty jobs for these greasers to work. That ought to be enough, since a lot of these shifty bastards are just going to collect welfare, anyways."

Bush said that many of the country's border patrol officers are spending more time chasing Mexican immigrants who are trying to find a job in the United States than they are looking for actual terrorists.

"Agriculture relies upon a lot of people willing to do the work that others won't do," he said. "So I urge the nation's farmers to to grow another 500 million tomato plants so these suckers can get busy."

While acknowledging the nation's immigration problem, Bush denied that he is being soft on illegal immigrants.

"I am just as sick of the rest of you hearing these cha-cha songs on the radio, instead of wholesome music like Josh Groban," he said. "There's nothing I'd like better than driving a big-ass bulldozer through these low-riders when they gather in the McDonald's parking lot. But they're here, and we may as well get 'em working instead of trying to get in your high school daughter's pants, right?"

Subcomandante Bob says: "Brrreeeport."