National Nitwit

Left: Gaudy mosque to make way for shiny new Taco Bell

(Samarra, Iraq) Contractors detonated bombs inside one of Iraq's holiest Shiite shrines Wednesday, destroying its golden dome and clearing the way for the Big Bell Value Menu to make its debut in this Iraqi city.

Bill Pearce, Chief Marketing Officer of Taco Bell, the world's largest Mexican food chain, said the landscaping is simply part of the company's brand and image.

"We want to be perceived as the bold choice in quick service restaurants," he said. "We want our landscaping to enforce that and obviously landscaping is the first thing a customer sees when they scratch their heads at the absence of a mosque."



With the gleaming dome of the 1200-year old Askariya shrine reduced to rubble, Pearce said that residents of Samarra will soon see the chain's signature purple bell where once walked two revered Shiite imams, who are considered by Shiites to be among the successors of the Prophet Muhammad.

"We have integrated the imam tombs into the dining room design," he said, gesturing toward a laptop blueprint. "We are also thinking of naming a new product - the Caliph Crunch Taco - just for the grand opening."

"Many ignorant people will be pushed to do the same to the Sunni sacred places," said Brig. Gen. Mudhir Moula, a high-ranking official in the Iraqi Defense Ministry. "We can only hope that the Sunnis get something bad to eat, like Baghdad Burger outlets. That would serve those infidels, and may they be cursed by Allah by never getting a straw for their drink at the drive-thru. That's a righteous curse, my friend."brrreeeport krugle