.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

2/12/2006

Study Finds Deaf People “Pretty Much Retarded”


By Billy Pilgrim, Codependent Collegian Rogue Editor

(Starkville, MS)—Researchers at Mississippi State University revealed earlier this week that people with hearing impairments are actually mentally disabled, and are incapable of comprehensive, rational thought. This refutes over a century of liberal rhetoric which maintains that deafness is a mere physical disability, with no correlation to intellectual aptitude.

“While our findings may be shocking to some, our results are undeniable,” said lead scientist Dr. John Bishop. “Deaf people are mongoloid freaks, and should be kept from the public at all costs. Personally, I feel they should be burned at the stake like 14th century pagans, but hey—that’s me.”

Bishop described one interview with a deaf participant.

“I asked this idiot the same question, like, 50 times, and he just kept staring at me,” he said. “What more proof do you need?”

Bishop said that many of the participants in his study demonstrated some odd behaviors.

“They kept doing this weird shit with their fingers when I asked them questions,” he said. “It really started to creep me out. I believe that these people are not only retarded, but have some strange obsessive-compulsive disorder.”

Many have contended MSU’s findings, however, and argue this recent development is another attempt to thwart civil rights.

“Oom va mata greesh,” asserted Marsha Quillen, president of Mississippians for the Hard of Hearing, a non-profit volunteer organization. “Goy ven ber wup crik otum.”

And while many pundits feel this is only the beginning of a larger national discourse, the MSU campus is abuzz with conflict and tension.

“I bagged a deaf chick once,” revealed junior Mark Irving, 24, an economics major. “Did I take advantage of her? Well, in hindsight, maybe so, but what jury is gonna convict a guy based on sign language?”

Comments:
You know who's really retarded? Retarded people. I swear, they are the most retarded individuals I have ever met.
 
I'm almost afraid to laugh for fear the PC police will kick in my door.
 
Not funny.
 
This is really over the line.

But, hilarious
 
There's a line???
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?