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Saint Patrick's Day Is Favorite Holiday Of Local Masochist

By: Banfu T. Burnside, National Nitwit Contributing Editor

Local masochist and general fetishist, Don Mellon, declared this St. Patrick's Day "the best holiday ever," after purposefully omitting green from his wardrobe to invite pinches from strangers.

"The key is making it seem like an honest oversight," gushed Mellon, who spent the day frequenting public spaces while wearing a blue collared shirt and tan slacks. "When you get a pinch, you have to play it off, like you didn't even know what day it was."

During the course of the day, Mellon was said to have received upwards of twenty-three pinches, and was smashed in the face with a pint glass. At the time of this interview, he was clearly savoring every one.

Sitting on the curb outside O'Flanagan's, a tiki-bar turned Irish pub for the evening, Mellon remarked, "God, I can barely feel my tongue!"

After spitting blood into the gutter he glanced at his watch.

"Midnight," he sighed. "I'll be back next year. It's just like I dreamed." Paris Hilton

That reminded me of an old joke that killed in the Catskills.

Masochist: "Beat me Beat me!"
Sadist: "No!"

Thanks I'll be here all week try the Lox!
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