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4/08/2006

Accused DHS Official Claims "Misunderstanding"

(Washington, DC) US Department of Homeland Security deputy press secretary Brian J. Doyle, who was arrested Tuesday night at his home in Silver Springs, MD and charged with using a computer to seduce a child, says that the whole incident was a "misunderstanding."

"This was a counterintelligence activity designed to root out al Qaeda operatives in Polk County," explained Doyle. "What looks like sexual banter is really coded messages between me and terrorists. When I said: "How would you like to wrap your lips around my big Johnson," what I really communicated was: "When will you deliver the dirty bomb?" It's pretty simple, really."

Doyle said that investigators completely missed the subtleties of communicating with terrorists.

"Most Americans know that al Qaeda terrorists don't just come out and say: "WE ARE GOING TO BLOW UP YOUR COUNTRY," or anything like that," said Doyle. "They ususally write things on AOL like: "I would love to run my tongue all over your nubile young body" when they are announcing a covert terrorist action."

The accused cyber-pedophile expressed confidence that he would be vindicated.

"Once the jury understands that "I want to stuff my throbbing staff in your hole" really means "We are about to commence terrorist activities," everything will be fine," he said. Mary Winkler

Comments:
Bob, you are very wicked.
 
The Psychotic Patriot stands, or in this case, sits corrected on the blogging of this important story. I had no idea your command of terrorist codes was so extensive. I will immediate write to Mr. Doyle and thank him for his tireless help in the GWOT. Do you think he may be able to help us discover when a dirty bomb is left in a subway with an Iranian passport accidentally left inside it?
 
Were the incident not so inconceivably revolting... Ok, well, that post is hilarious. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if the nasty little man didn't use something like that in his defense. The creep will probably get off (no pun intended) on some technicality anyway - won't spend a minute in jail. You would be in the pokey (no pun intended) but he won't. Of course, if he did go to jail he could start all over again on the paid for with citizens tax money puters. What the heck?
 
Doyle has more talents in covert operations then most think. When he wanted that young girl to get a webcam, it was so he could look around the background for ammo dumps and WMD. His code word for "I'll buy all your scuds" was to say "goo'haaa'goo" while he spanked his meat all over his bedroom computer and shot laods in his wife's hair. Man, Bush has got this country so heavily protected, it's a wonder 9/11 ever happened!!
 
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