National Nitwit

(Washington, DC) US Department of Homeland Security deputy press secretary Brian J. Doyle, who was arrested Tuesday night at his home in Silver Springs, MD and charged with using a computer to seduce a child, says that the whole incident was a "misunderstanding."

"This was a counterintelligence activity designed to root out al Qaeda operatives in Polk County," explained Doyle. "What looks like sexual banter is really coded messages between me and terrorists. When I said: "How would you like to wrap your lips around my big Johnson," what I really communicated was: "When will you deliver the dirty bomb?" It's pretty simple, really."

Doyle said that investigators completely missed the subtleties of communicating with terrorists.

"Most Americans know that al Qaeda terrorists don't just come out and say: "WE ARE GOING TO BLOW UP YOUR COUNTRY," or anything like that," said Doyle. "They ususally write things on AOL like: "I would love to run my tongue all over your nubile young body" when they are announcing a covert terrorist action."

The accused cyber-pedophile expressed confidence that he would be vindicated.

"Once the jury understands that "I want to stuff my throbbing staff in your hole" really means "We are about to commence terrorist activities," everything will be fine," he said. Mary Winkler