.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

4/18/2006

Bear Denies Any Role in Mauling of Ohio Family

(Cherokee Forest, Tennessee) Authorities captured a bear Sunday that they suspect was responsible for the mauling of an Ohio family in the rugged mountains of eastern Tennessee.

The bear, however, maintains his innocence.

"Hey-hey-hey: this bear is guilty no way," said the bear, who goes by the name Yogi. "I am the victim of species profiling, I tell you."

A bear killed Elora Petrasek, 6, of Clyde, Ohio. Her mother, Susan Cenkus, 45, was in critical condition at a Chattanooga hospital. Her brother, Luke Cenkus, 2, was hospitalized in stable condition.

"What happened to that family terrible tragedy, but I assure you sir, I am being framed," said Yogi. "Those rangers are not your rocket scientists, that's for sure."

The bear said that he can provide both alibi and character witnesses.

"I'm smarter than the average bear, and the Ranger and Boo Boo will back me up on that," he said. "The only reason I was even near the campsite was because they left out a pic-a-nic basket, and let me tell you - another bear was there 'fore I got there." South Park

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 8:49 AM
Comments:
Perhaps we can use DNA analysis to determine Yogi Bear's innocence. I can send Beaker to Cherokee Forest to get the sample.
# posted by Blogger Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : 9:58 AM
 
Hey Yogi,

Are you, perchance color blind?

The suspect was described as a BLACK bear, which you are decidedly NOT.

Just look at yourself, you're brown.

Sorry to make this a color thing for you, but it's as obvious to me as the fur on your face.
# posted by Blogger Hooda Thunkit : 5:51 PM
 
Hooda is not paying attention -- it's the AUTHORITIES who have color-blindedly arrested Yogi. Pigeons coming home to roost -- ban racial profiling, and suddenly poor Yogi is facing capital charges.
# posted by Blogger Charles N. Steele : 9:18 PM
 
Very nice! I found a place where you can
make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 4:00 AM
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?