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4/18/2006

Bear Denies Any Role in Mauling of Ohio Family

(Cherokee Forest, Tennessee) Authorities captured a bear Sunday that they suspect was responsible for the mauling of an Ohio family in the rugged mountains of eastern Tennessee.

The bear, however, maintains his innocence.

"Hey-hey-hey: this bear is guilty no way," said the bear, who goes by the name Yogi. "I am the victim of species profiling, I tell you."

A bear killed Elora Petrasek, 6, of Clyde, Ohio. Her mother, Susan Cenkus, 45, was in critical condition at a Chattanooga hospital. Her brother, Luke Cenkus, 2, was hospitalized in stable condition.

"What happened to that family terrible tragedy, but I assure you sir, I am being framed," said Yogi. "Those rangers are not your rocket scientists, that's for sure."

The bear said that he can provide both alibi and character witnesses.

"I'm smarter than the average bear, and the Ranger and Boo Boo will back me up on that," he said. "The only reason I was even near the campsite was because they left out a pic-a-nic basket, and let me tell you - another bear was there 'fore I got there." South Park

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 8:49 AM
Comments:
Perhaps we can use DNA analysis to determine Yogi Bear's innocence. I can send Beaker to Cherokee Forest to get the sample.
# posted by Blogger Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : 9:58 AM
 
Hey Yogi,

Are you, perchance color blind?

The suspect was described as a BLACK bear, which you are decidedly NOT.

Just look at yourself, you're brown.

Sorry to make this a color thing for you, but it's as obvious to me as the fur on your face.
# posted by Blogger Hooda Thunkit (Dave Zawodny) : 5:51 PM
 
Hooda is not paying attention -- it's the AUTHORITIES who have color-blindedly arrested Yogi. Pigeons coming home to roost -- ban racial profiling, and suddenly poor Yogi is facing capital charges.
# posted by Blogger Charles N. Steele : 9:18 PM
 
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