National Nitwit

(Washington, DC) The United States restored full diplomatic relations with Libya today and removed the North African country from its list of state sponsors of terrorism after 27 years.

Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi indicated that his country will begin on a new program of sponsorship.

"We are very big fans of NASCAR, and we follow the Nextel Cup Series very closely," said Gaddafi. "My personal favorite is Sterling Marlin, although he did say some rather unkind things about Arabs after 9/11."

Gaddafi said that Libya's previous sponsorship of terrorists "just wasn't working out."

"Ideologically, you know, we are close," he admitted. "But where is the return on investment? We gave the Lockerbie bombers almost a half million dollars, and it was like flushing money down the toilet. All we got was bad press, sanctions, and lawsuits, and the bastards didn't even wear our logo like they promised. Bah!"

The decision to invest in NASCAR, said Gaddafi, was a simple one.

"Listen, friend - every lap those gas-guzzling 5.8 liter beasts make is another dime in old Muammar's pocket," he winked. "And when your children get in their own cars and rev their engines at the stoplight, we clean up. It's a win-win-win, sahib."

Gaddafi is hoping that his country can muscle its way into the competitive marketing world of NASCAR.

"Lowe's just announced a multi-year extension of its primary sponsorship of Hendrick Motorsports and the No. 48 Chevrolet driven by Jimmie Johnson," he said. "We believe that Jimmie will come around quick to placing our flag on his Chevy, especially when he sees the petrodollars we will be waving." Karl Rove Gadaffi Gadaffi Gadaffi