National Nitwit

Left: Try to guess what these two fingers mean

(Washington, DC) US Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke told National Nitwit reporters today that he often speaks and acts in cryptic ways "just to jerk around the analysts."

"Hey, this job is kind of dull otherwise," he said. "Is there anything wrong with, say, using my finger to tap "S-O-S" in Morse code while I deliver a speech? The look on the faces of the investment wonks is priceless."

Bernanke said that the inclusion of a previously-unused word in a speech "drives reporters crazy."

"I dropped the word mediastinum in a speech the other day, and the bastards were falling all over themselves," he chuckled. "Nobody wanted to admit that they had never heard of the word, but they were panicking because they didn't know if I was signalling another jump in inflation. Too much!"

One of Bernanke's favorite tricks involves word play.

"Just for fun we will sometimes string a bunch of words together to create an acronym, like when we put a press release out with the words Real Asset Tax Extension; Health Industry Keeps Expanding last week," he said. "It only took 45 minutes for some dipshit to hit the wire with a prediction of a Fed rate hike. Hilarious!"