National Nitwit

Left: Rumsfeld, demonstrating how close the US is to winning the war on terror

(Washington, DC) US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld spoke to National Nitwit reporters today, and described a new tactic being used by terrorists in Iraq.

"The way it works is simple," he said. "As soon as a coalition weapon is discharged, the terrorist steps in front of it and becomes a martyr. Pretty sneaky, and very low, but that's how these people work."

Rumsfeld said that the strategy is effective on several levels.

"First off, it deprives a US soldier of his intended target, and secondly it wastes a lot of ammunition, as some of these bullet-jumpers catch six or seven rounds before they fall," he said, shaking his head. "It's hard not to be sickened by this type of terrorism, especially when they turn and take bullets to the back."

The enemy forces, said Rumsfeld, are encouraging many non-traditional combatants to take a bullet for al-Qaeda.

"Listen - these terror cells are recruiting pregnant women, small children, and old men to be bullet-jumpers," he said. "It just goes to show that al-Qaeda will stop at nothing to disrupt the cause of freedom and democracy." American Idol Macbook Haditha