.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

7/05/2006

Ken Lay Dies Amidst Cavalcade of Hookers and Blow

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Aspen, CO)—Kenneth Lay, founder and former chairman of the scandal-ridden Enron Corporation, died of a heart attack early this morning while awaiting sentencing on ten counts of bank fraud and conspiracy. He was 64.

Not surprisingly, Lay’s heart failure was hastened by a never-ending cavalcade of prostitutes, cocaine, and whipped cream while he was free on a $5 million bond, which reached a pitched fervor during a Fourth of July celebration.

“Mr. Lay was a sick ol’ freak,” remarked Tamara Johnson, a housekeeper at Lay’s sprawling compound in Aspen. “He had all kinds of girls and drugs come through here. But in my line of work, you don’t ask questions—you just go about your business and clean up the vomit.”

Left: Some of Mr. Lay’s female companions of negotiable virtue

And while Mr. Lay’s vast financial empire has been under intense scrutiny in recent years, he has nonetheless been able to maintain a lavish lifestyle.

“Ken knew how to party, straight up,” revealed Candy Lewis, a frequent guest and sexual liaison of Mr. Lay’s. “I like to think he died on his terms — surrounded by beautiful women and with enough cocaine in his body to kill a small horse.”

Comments:
haha thatsss really gay what the crap is putfile anywayyys how gay y welllll im out , peace
 
Wow. You are a regular rhetorical Wunderkind, anonymous.
 
Mocking the dead? Is nothing sacred? How can you denigrate the memory of this upstanding... uh, er, oh, to hell with him.
 
"negotiable virtue"

What an interesting phrase to use, especially considering Ken's last name...


negotiable virtue...

I LOVE it!
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?