.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Jesus Inks $2.2 Billion Deal With Nike

Air Jesus shoesLeft: Nike's new "Air Jesus" sports shoes

(New York) Footwear giant Nike has signed Jesus Christ to an exclusive shoe and merchndise deal, according to corporate spokesman Dean Stoyer.

"The timing was great, and the endorsement package worked for both parties," he said, posing with the Son of God for a photo shoot. "JC and Nike will be pairing up to roll out the 'Air Jesus' line of shoes and velour running suits in the fall of 2006."

The Lamb of God said that his appearance at the press conference was "strictly business."

"Listen - I don't want people to think this is the Rapture or anything," He said, putting on a pair of Air Jesus sunglasses. "In fact, I was reluctant to even show up for fear of getting eberyone freaked, but my agent said it's part of the package."

Jesus and Nike on the cross Left: One of several iconic changes resulting from the deal

The Nike-Christ collaboration did not go over well in Heaven, admitted Jesus.

"Oh yeah, the Lord Almighty is ticked off right now," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "He figured He should get at least 10 percent as an origination fee. There's going to be some fireworks when I get back, no doubt."

Christ is also expected to sign a deal with Gatorade to put the Messiah's picture on its bottles, and He also will appear in TV commercials for a new raspberry-flavored "Communion Splash" sports drink.

You people are sick.
The shoes should come with holes in them in case the wearer develops stigmata (the holes of jesus christ) due to X-treme faith and awesomeness.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?