.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

8/12/2006

Man Still Holds Handrails on Metro; Coworkers Worried

Handrail on Metro carLeft: Durfee can't let go

(Washington, DC) Despite living in the nation's capital and riding its Metro rail system for "almost a year," Department of Agriculture employee Thomas Durfee still holds onto the safety bars "like a little sissy boy," according to friends and coworkers.

"I used to think that Thomas was a stand-up guy until I began to notice he won't let go of the rail," said coworker Allen Hartnett, who added that he mastered the "no-hold" technique in about a week. "He's like a kid who won't let Daddy take off the training wheels."

Durfee's supervisor at DOA, J. Porter Larson, added that such behavior "is not expected" among upward-bound employees.

"Let's face it - anyone who can't let go of the pole is probably afraid to take chances, and that's exactly what we don't need from our DOA managers," he said, shaking his head. "We need managers who can take the bull by the horns, and not riding some little coin-operated horsie at the Piggly Wiggly with his Mama."

Girlyman still holding rail on Metro carLeft: Durfee with three female friends, none of whom are pole-grabbing scaredy-cats

Worse yet, said friend Jerry Wilkens, is that Durfee seems "oblivious" to this unspoken cultural norm and measure of masculinity.

"I just cringe when he stands there, holding that bar and smiling," he said. "Tom's like a guy with a shit stain on the back of his pants - he has no clue that people see him as pathetic. And - quite frankly - he grips that pole with an almost erotic touch. THAT's some freaky stuff, man."

Comments:
I do not! Geez!
 
Just as long as his hands don't sliding up and down and up and down and up and..., Oh God!

Now, he's gone and "done it."
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?