.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

8/03/2006

President: “Iraqis Will Be Free or Extinct by Year’s End”

Iraq ground patrol Left: Ground patrols will be easier with fewer Iraqis

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Washington, D.C.)—President Bush, in what has become rote justification for US involvement in Iraq, offered some stirring rhetoric this morning for critics who insist on a military timetable: by the end of 2006, all Iraqis will be fully liberated or blown to smithereens.

Mr. Bush outlined his new assessment of the conflict in exacting terms.

“I know the American people need answers—they see the car bombings, the senseless murder of children, the insatiable hatred of terrorism,” Bush rallied during a press conference this morning. “That is why, after long deliberation and careful planning, this administration is confident in announcing that all Iraqis will be free from tyranny by year’s end—as long as they haven’t been blown the fuck up.”

The president’s new assertion comes at a difficult time, as there appears to be vast international paralysis on the Israeli-Lebanon conflict, and much of Iraq has descended into the quicksand of civil war.

Given this stark reality, Mr. Bush’s latest pronouncement seems to instill hope in many.

“Hey man—I didn’t watch my buddies die face down in the mud to cut and run on this thing,” remarked Dano Fatetelli, 23, Lance Corporal U.S.M.C., who now works highway construction on the D.C. Beltway. “We’ve come too far to give up on democracy.”

highway construction worker Left: Fatetelli hard at work on DC’s crummy roads

Fatetelli added thoughtfully, leaning on his jackhammer: “Look—we’re either gonna save those poor people from terrorism, or watch them all die from bazooka blasts and shit—it’s just that simple.”

Comments:
Nor funny...
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?