.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Entrepreneur Has High Hopes for Franchised Funeral Chain

Brinkmann is enthusiastic about mortuary and burial profits

The idea for Termination Stations© came to Lars Brinkmann several years ago.

"I was in line at McDonald's, of all places, when it hit me: franchise the funeral business," he said, walking with reporters through a soon-to-be opened franchise in Oak Grove, IL. "The potential economies of scale in a multi-location funeral franchise mean that an entrepreneur can pull in a 7-figure income by opening three Termination Station© units."

Brinkmann says that his business model makes the traditional funeral system "obsolete."

"Look - we handle eveything from picking up the body, doing the memorial service, and to tossing the last shovel of dirt on the coffin of the deceased," he said, displaying cost comparison figures on a PowerPoint presentation. "Sometimes the same employee does all three jobs, so you get the cross-training angle. We zap two to three middlemen and pass the savings along to the consumer. Or, in our case, the heirs of the consumer. Who's dead, you see."

Brinkmann's firm has developed signage, building designs, and standardized procedures for its Termination Station© concept

Brinkmann said that initial inquiries from potential franchisees have surpassed his expectations.

"I have always believed in the death business, but I am a realist - some people have trouble with dead bodies," he acknowedged. "But for those who don't mind a whiff of formaldehyde, or the occasional blast of odor from an open abdominal cavity, you can make a killing in this business. Heh-heh - a little trade humor, that."

Some things just shouldn't be, you know? This is one of them!
I would still go to the local place, because half of my family had their funerals there.
Lars Brinkmann for entrepreneur of the year.

He's putting life into the death racket ;-)
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?