National Nitwit

Brinkmann is enthusiastic about mortuary and burial profits

The idea for Termination Stations© came to Lars Brinkmann several years ago.

"I was in line at McDonald's, of all places, when it hit me: franchise the funeral business," he said, walking with reporters through a soon-to-be opened franchise in Oak Grove, IL. "The potential economies of scale in a multi-location funeral franchise mean that an entrepreneur can pull in a 7-figure income by opening three Termination Station© units."

Brinkmann says that his business model makes the traditional funeral system "obsolete."

"Look - we handle eveything from picking up the body, doing the memorial service, and to tossing the last shovel of dirt on the coffin of the deceased," he said, displaying cost comparison figures on a PowerPoint presentation. "Sometimes the same employee does all three jobs, so you get the cross-training angle. We zap two to three middlemen and pass the savings along to the consumer. Or, in our case, the heirs of the consumer. Who's dead, you see."

Brinkmann's firm has developed signage, building designs, and standardized procedures for its Termination Station© concept

Brinkmann said that initial inquiries from potential franchisees have surpassed his expectations.

"I have always believed in the death business, but I am a realist - some people have trouble with dead bodies," he acknowedged. "But for those who don't mind a whiff of formaldehyde, or the occasional blast of odor from an open abdominal cavity, you can make a killing in this business. Heh-heh - a little trade humor, that."