.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

10/27/2006

Nurse: Terminally Ill Patient "Needs Her Ass Beat"

Left: Some patients really abuse the whole concept of "terminal," says Nolan

(Chicago, IL) Marie Nolan, an oncology nurse at Rush University Medical Center's cancer unit, believes that the patient in 2011 is deliberately trying to provoke her.

"She rings that goddamn bell every fifteen minutes for someone to make sure her morphine drip is still working," she said to National Nitwit reporters about Gladys Kellerman, 83. " It's 'Oh, my chest hurts' and 'Oh, my head hurts' and 'Oh, my bed pan is full' all night long with this whack bitch. I swear to God I'm going to kill her before the mesothelioma does."

Nolan said that she's "pretty sure" that the elderly patient secretly enjoys making her work harder.

"So I bring in her dinner last night, and sure enough she's ringing that bell again two minutes later," she said, shaking her head. "I go to her room, and she's dumped her Jello down her gown. Not only do I have to get her another one, but I gotta scoop out clumps of melting Jello from between her wrinkled boobs. Ugh!"

Left: Kellerman plotting her next act of cruelty in the guise of being a 'victim'

Nolan said that she became convinced of the old woman's "evil nature" after drawing a blood sample last week.

"For the life of me I couldn't get that old witch to make a fist for me, and I had to poke her eight times before I got a vein with some blood pressure," she said. "As I left the room she pretended to cough, but I know she was just hiding her maniacal laughter. That's how it is with all of these dying bastards - they just love to make the healthy wait on them hand and foot. It's pretty sick stuff, if you ask me. She ought to be in the psych ward."

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 3:59 PM
Comments:
That nurse is the whacked one. She should get fired!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:17 PM
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?