National Nitwit

(Dallas, TX) A federal judge will hear arguments this week over claims that global coffee manufacturers and distributors knowingly distributed a product that is addictive.

Moreover, argue attorneys for the plaintiffs, representatives of brands such as Maxwell House and Folger's actively pursued the development of coffee beans with ever-higher caffeine contents.

"They knew that coffee caused people to get hooked, and they knew the danger of addiction," attorney Daniel Herndon told jurors in the Dallas, Texas courtoom. "Every time they had a chance to share the truth with the American people, they lied."

Herndon is representing Jared Fackelman of Plano, TX. The attorney said his client became a "raving, caffeine-addicted psychopath" within months of developing his coffee habit.

"If you become addicted to coffee, you have a 4000 percent greater chance of developing road rage than nondrinkers," Herndon said.

Fackelman during his "addiction terror"

Fackelman said in a deposition that he never would have started drinking coffee if he had known it would be so difficult to quit. Herndon said Fackelman still had to have his twelve cups of coffee a day, even after his wife left him for someone "less wired."

"Why didn't they warn of the danger of addiction before Jared Fackelman was hooked?" asked Herndon. "I'll tell you: it's about profits and about creating a captive audience of addicts, that's why."

Fackelman said that the lawsuit is not about the potential $10 million judgment.

"I want to make sure that Juan Valdez and his cronies can never again turn someone's life into a living hell," he said, looking off into the distance. "The coffee industry’s targeting of children goes far beyond marketing and advertising - they want to get you hooked and turned into a lifelong coffee zombie, crawling around downtown in hopes of finding a Starbucks open at 4:00 am. Pretty goddamn sick stuff, and I should know - I lived it."

Labels: coffee, lawsuits